So..we had been trying to start a family for a while and things were not working out the way we had hoped. We were moving around a lot for the end of Luke's rotations and it was hard to get in to see a specialist. When we finally did, that started a long process of tests and procedures. The end result was that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant. I was devastated and I was mad. I was mad at God for not answering our prayers the way I wanted. I was mad at everyone around me who was getting pregnant so easily. I felt like a failure. I was unable to do the thing that women were made for and I felt like I was letting Luke down. I felt like Heavenly Father was saying I would be a bad mother. Over the years my attitude has slowly changed. It is still hard sometimes but I am much more positive about things.
We decided that adoption was the way for us to have a family and that was a whole other frustrating process. We tried to go through LDS Family Services and they told us they had too many people in Colorado to help and kept trying to divert us to a different agency. After a year or so we decided to try a new agency and we are so glad we did! I felt at peace. This was who we were supposed to be with. We were with Adoption Center of Choice since the beginning of this year. They would call every week-ish telling us they were showing our profile to a prospective birth mother. This was great! Things were finally happening!! I knew that it still might take a while but as long as things felt like they were moving I could be mostly patient. February 19th we got a call that a mother and her oldest daughter liked our profile and they would let us know if we were the right family before the week was out. I was a nervous wreck. I was jumpy at every phone call and text hoping it was the agency with good news. February 21st they finally told us that she had chosen us and her due date for the baby boy was the beginning of March. Both times they talked to us we were at work and I was worthless for the rest of the day. I pretty much had a panic attack (in a good way)! I was so excited and so nervous at the same time. So much to do, so little time and so many things that could go wrong!
We decided that adoption was the way for us to have a family and that was a whole other frustrating process. We tried to go through LDS Family Services and they told us they had too many people in Colorado to help and kept trying to divert us to a different agency. After a year or so we decided to try a new agency and we are so glad we did! I felt at peace. This was who we were supposed to be with. We were with Adoption Center of Choice since the beginning of this year. They would call every week-ish telling us they were showing our profile to a prospective birth mother. This was great! Things were finally happening!! I knew that it still might take a while but as long as things felt like they were moving I could be mostly patient. February 19th we got a call that a mother and her oldest daughter liked our profile and they would let us know if we were the right family before the week was out. I was a nervous wreck. I was jumpy at every phone call and text hoping it was the agency with good news. February 21st they finally told us that she had chosen us and her due date for the baby boy was the beginning of March. Both times they talked to us we were at work and I was worthless for the rest of the day. I pretty much had a panic attack (in a good way)! I was so excited and so nervous at the same time. So much to do, so little time and so many things that could go wrong!
I didn't want to tell anybody in case she changed her mind but we told our parents and a few people from church. It was such a hard thing to keep secret. I wanted to tell everybody that we were finally getting a baby!! Especially when I went to a cousins baby shower. I felt a little bipolar. I would get really excited and and go crazy looking at baby stuff then I would get really sad thinking that it possibly couldn't happen. Poor Luke.
We got to talk to the birth mother three times before we went out for the birth. She told us that our profile had been her favorite and then her 11 year-old daughter also picked out our profile so she felt we were the right couple. We thought that was pretty cool. She told us a little about her history and her 4 daughters. She let us know that she was having a scheduled C-section on March 13th. We planned to drive out to Minnesota on the 11th and meet her the day before and be there for the birth.
Those were the longest two and a half weeks of my life. It seemed like such a short time when they told us and then it just dragged on and on. I was definitely glad the wait wasn't any longer.
On the 10th we were all ready and packed up to drive out in the morning. Just as we got into bed we got a text saying that she was having pain and was going to the hospital and they would keep us posted. A couple of hours later they told us that she was being admitted and they were going to do the C-section. We were definitely disappointed not to be there for the birth but we drove 14 hours to Minnesota and still managed to be there to meet him on the day he was born.
Jaxon Cooper was born March 11 at 2:01am. 8 lbs 11 oz 20 in long. He was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. I picked him up and never wanted to put him down. The nurses were really excited to show us his full head of hair and kept telling us how big his feet were.
Jax had to stay in the hospital until his birth mother was discharged so we visited them both over the next couple of days. The birth mother also had to wait 72 hours after the birth before she could sign the papers so mostly we tried to be patient in our hotel room. This is the first picture of our new family!
We were told that due to paperwork and things we could be in Minnesota for up to three weeks. Our work people sent us off with tons of snacks for us to eat while we were stuck in a hotel. Although we missed Jaxon's birth it actually worked out pretty well moving things up faster. Our lawyer was very proactive about getting everything done and we were able to leave Friday the 15th. We were so excited to take our little guy home. We started home Friday afternoon and ran into a snow storm and had to stay the night in Fargo. We made it home Saturday night and came home to this...
Some friends from the ward decorated the house for Jax's home-coming. Everybody was so excited for us and so excited to meet him. This was his first meeting with Baxter...
We have been waiting such a long time for Jax to come into our lives and he is definitely worth the wait! Heavenly Father truely answered our prayers with this beautiful little guy and we could not be more happy.
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